Mulla Nasrudin and his wife went to visit a church

Mulla Nasrudin and his wife went to visit a church that had over the portal the inscription: "This is the house of God -- This is the gate of Heaven."

Nasrudin glanced at these words, tried the door and found it locked, turned to his wife and said: "IN OTHER WORDS GO TO HELL!"

My wife talks to herself

"My wife talks to herself," the friend told Mulla Nasrudin.

"SO DOES MINE," said the Mulla, "BUT SHE DOESN'T REALISE IT. SHE THINKS I AM LISTENING."

Two old men decide they are close to their last days

Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town. After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel.

The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager, “Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed, these two are so old and so drunk I am not wasting two of my girls on them… They won’t know the difference.”

The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business.

As they are walking home the first man says, “You know, I think my girl was dead!”
“Dead?” says his friend, “why do you say that?”
“Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time i was loving her.”
His friend says, “Could be worse, I think mine was a witch.”
“A witch??! Why the hell would you say that?”
“Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck, and I gave her a little bite, then she farted and flew out the window… Took my teeth with her!"

The famous Greek shipowner was having a house built

The famous Greek shipowner, Ori Oristotle, was having a house built on a large piece of land in Greece. He said to the architect, “Don’t disturb that tree over there, because directly under that tree is where I had my first love.”
“How sentimental, Mr. Oristotle,” said the architect “Right under that tree?”
“Yes,” continued Ori Oristotle. “And don’t touch that tree over there either, because that is where her mother stood watching while I was having my first love affair.”
“Her mother just stood there while you were screwing her daughter?” asked the architect.
“Yes,” said the Greek shipowner.
“But, Mr. Oristotle, what did her mother say?”
“Baaaaa.”

A young army sergeant was posted to the deserts of Arabia

A young army sergeant was posted to the deserts of Arabia by the French Foreign Legion. After a few days he became restless and asked his officer what form of entertainment took place in the camp -- where were all the women and bars and so forth.
The officer replied, "Just be patient and wait until the camels arrive."
So the young sergeant waited patiently for several days more and inquired again and the officer replied, "For heaven's sake, just wait until the camels arrive."
The next night there was an almighty rush, all the soldiers came running out of their tents yelling and screaming.
The young sergeant grabbed the officer and asked, "What is going on?"
"The camels are coming!" replied the officer.
"But why the great rush?"
"Well, you don't want to get an ugly one, do you?"
--- --- ---
If you are starving in a desert, even camels will start looking beautiful; otherwise you can't see any difference between one camel and another. But the more your desires are starved, the more blind you become.

So remember, Buddha is not saying to starve your desires. He has been misunderstood by people, by his own followers as much as by his enemies. That is the fate of the buddhas: to be misunderstood by the friends and the enemies both. When he is saying that desire makes you blind, he is not saying to repress desire, because a repressed desire is far more dangerous. He is saying, "Understand desire, meditate over the whole phenomenon of it, and through understanding go beyond it, not through repression. Through meditation, transcend desire. Seeing that desire is misery, seeing that desire is bondage, seeing that desire drags you downwards into hell, one simply is released without any repression." And to be released from desire is to be a buddha, is to be a christ.

You cannot be satisfied by anything

"Something the matter?" asked the bartender of the young, well-dressed customer who sat staring sullenly into his drink.
"Two months ago my grandfather died and left me eighty-five thousand dollars," said the man.
"That does not sound like anything to be upset about," said the bartender, polishing a glass. "It should happen to me!"
"Yeah," said the sour young man, "but last month an uncle on my mother's side passed away. He left me hundred and fifty thousand dollars."
"So why are you sitting there looking so unhappy?" asked the bartender.
"So far this month, not a cent!"
--- --- ---

You cannot be satisfied by anything, because the mind is always asking for more. And the desire for more creates sorrow, makes you a slave. And the desire for more does not allow you to live according to the universal law. You start fighting for more. Whether it is something outward or inward does not matter; if you are fighting for something more you are going against the law of nature. Trust nature, be relaxed with it. It takes care. It is always providing you with whatsoever is really needed, and if it does not provide you, that means it is not really needed.

The Polack woman was dying.

The Polack woman was dying. With her last breath she turned to her husband and asked,
"Before I die, make love to me just one more time."

The Polack husband answered, "How could you ask me to do such a thing? It will kill you!"

The wife pleaded, "Everyone is entitled to one last request before they die, you should grant me this last wish."

The Polack replied, "Okay." He got into bed and made love to her. No sooner did he finish
than she hopped out of bed completely cured and ran downstairs and started to flick a chicken and yell into the living room, where her children were sitting, that dinner would be ready in an hour.

The children were astounded and ran up the stairs to their father who was sitting in a chair
and crying. They said, "Papa, why are you crying? It's a miracle! Mama is completely cured!"
He replied, "I know, but when I think what I could have done for Eleanor Roosevelt!"