Kowalski goes into a crowded bar

Kowalski goes into a crowded bar for a few drinks after work. A couple of hours later, he feels the need to take a shit, so he asks the bartender for directions to the toilet.

"It's upstairs," replies the barman, "down the hall, turn left, and second door on the right."

Kowalski, who is pretty well plastered by now, blinks at the bartender, and sets off in search of the toilet.

He manages to get up the stairs all right, but gets confused from there onwards. Finally, completely lost and desperate to relieve himself, he pulls up a loose board from the floor and makes his deposit. But what Kowalski does not know is that this floorboard is right in the middle of the ceiling of the bar below.

When he gets back downstairs, he finds that the bar is completely deserted. The place smells awful. Kowalski goes over to the bartender, sits down at the bar and orders another drink.

"Where did everybody go?" asks Kowalski, drunkenly.

"My God!" replies the bartender. "Where were you when the shit hit the fan?"

Little Ernie walks into his parents' bedroom

Little Ernie walks into his parents' bedroom and sees his father putting on a condom.

"Hey, Dad," says Little Ernie. "What are you doing?"

"Uh, er... I am going out to hunt rabbits," stammers his embarrassed father.

"Really?" says Ernie. "What are you going to do when you reach them, Dad? Fuck them?"

Mulla Nasrudin and his wife went to visit a church

Mulla Nasrudin and his wife went to visit a church that had over the portal the inscription: "This is the house of God -- This is the gate of Heaven."

Nasrudin glanced at these words, tried the door and found it locked, turned to his wife and said: "IN OTHER WORDS GO TO HELL!"

My wife talks to herself

"My wife talks to herself," the friend told Mulla Nasrudin.

"SO DOES MINE," said the Mulla, "BUT SHE DOESN'T REALISE IT. SHE THINKS I AM LISTENING."

Two old men decide they are close to their last days

Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town. After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel.

The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager, “Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed, these two are so old and so drunk I am not wasting two of my girls on them… They won’t know the difference.”

The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business.

As they are walking home the first man says, “You know, I think my girl was dead!”
“Dead?” says his friend, “why do you say that?”
“Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time i was loving her.”
His friend says, “Could be worse, I think mine was a witch.”
“A witch??! Why the hell would you say that?”
“Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck, and I gave her a little bite, then she farted and flew out the window… Took my teeth with her!"

The famous Greek shipowner was having a house built

The famous Greek shipowner, Ori Oristotle, was having a house built on a large piece of land in Greece. He said to the architect, “Don’t disturb that tree over there, because directly under that tree is where I had my first love.”
“How sentimental, Mr. Oristotle,” said the architect “Right under that tree?”
“Yes,” continued Ori Oristotle. “And don’t touch that tree over there either, because that is where her mother stood watching while I was having my first love affair.”
“Her mother just stood there while you were screwing her daughter?” asked the architect.
“Yes,” said the Greek shipowner.
“But, Mr. Oristotle, what did her mother say?”
“Baaaaa.”